


Broken Pieces

by wolfie_winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s11e06 Our Little World, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:39:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5195951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_winchester/pseuds/wolfie_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thought it was cute at first that Cas was holed up in the bunker on a Netflix marathon, but after Cas returns from his encounter with Metatron, Dean notices that the angel barely ever leaves the room. He isn't sure what's wrong, but he'll be damned if he lets his angel deal with it on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Pieces

Dean finds Cas still cooped up in his room days after they’ve returned to the bunker. He peeks inside and raises an eyebrow when he sees Cas reclining in a nest of blankets on his bed. His eyes are bloodshot and he’s staring at the screen without even blinking. Dean sighs and pushes the door the rest of the way open. Cas greets him, but doesn’t take his eyes off the screen.

 

“You’ve been in here ever since we got back. Haven’t you watched everything worth watching on here by now?” he asks. Cas just shrugs and burrows deeper into the covers. Dean can see the bags under his eyes and even though the angel doesn’t need to sleep, he looks like he could really use it nonetheless.

 

Dean comes to stand by Cas’ bedside and before Cas can react, he takes the remote and turns the TV off. Cas exclaims in protest and Dean holds the remote out of his reach, even though Cas could take it if he really wanted to.

 

“You need to go outside and get some fresh air,” Dean insists.

 

“I already did. I got the demon tablet. What else do you want?” Cas snaps. He reaches for the remote again. “Give it back, Dean!”

 

“No,” Dean says, and he takes Cas by the collar of his shirt and spins them around, shoving the bedraggled angel towards the door. He tosses the remote back onto Cas’ bed and then ushers him out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

 

“Dean, let me in,” Cas says, getting up into his personal space. Normally, Dean would back off, but he only shakes his head.

 

“Cas, you’ve done nothing but watch Netflix since you got back. And look, I get it, it’s fascinating, but man, you can’t stay in there forever,” he says. He looks at Cas again - really looks at him - takes in the tired eyes, the way the blue in them seems to have dimmed. Dean sighs and he places a hand on Cas’ shoulder, pushing him back slightly. “Are you alright? You look like crap,” he says.

 

“I’m fine,” Cas grumbles, glaring at him.

 

“I don’t think you are,” Dean replies. He takes Cas’ hand and pulls him down the hallway. “You need some sunshine and fresh air, Cas. This isn’t healthy.”

 

“I’m an angel, Dean. I don’t need those things to be healthy,” he says, wrenching his arm back. He starts to retreat back to his room and Dean drags him to a stop.

 

“Cas, seriously. What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing, because I know you. I can tell something’s bothering you,” Dean says.

 

Cas looks like he might just snap at Dean again and go back to binging Netflix, but instead he just stares at Dean with wide, vulnerable eyes.

 

“I can’t,” he says.

 

“Can’t what?”

 

“I can’t go outside, Dean. I tried to before and I...”

 

Something like pain flickers in the angel’s eyes and Dean feels it resonate in his chest. He reaches out to comfort Cas and he flinches away, taking a couple steps back.

 

“I’m sorry,” Cas says, shaking his head vigorously. “I just can’t.”

 

He shoves past Dean and he shuts himself back into his room. Dean stares after him, trying to comprehend what just happened. Sam finds him then, probably having heard the commotion and come to investigate.

 

“Something wrong with Cas?” he asks.

 

“That’s what I’m trying to find out,” Dean replies, heading back towards Cas’ room. He opens the door and finds Cas in the same position as before, watching some show about dogs. He’s got the blankets wrapped around himself again and Dean sighs before he goes and sits down next to him on the bed.

 

“Dean, I said I’m-”

 

“Talk to me, Cas. What’s wrong?” he asks.

 

Cas just huffs angrily and pauses the TV.

 

“Nothing is wrong,” he says.

 

“That’s bull and you know it. Cas please, just talk to me. I can help, whatever it is. Just let me help you.”

 

Cas shakes his head and closes his eyes, like he can shut out the world if he doesn’t look. Dean starts to ask if he’s okay when out of nowhere this noise comes out of Cas that reminds him of a wounded animal. It tears at his heart and he automatically scoots closer, wrapping an arm around him. Cas shoves him away and Dean is both parts confused and hurt, when suddenly tear-filled eyes look up at him and Cas says, “I can’t keep hurting people, Dean.”

 

“Cas, what are you-”

 

“I keep remembering it. I remember hurting you and killing those angels and I almost killed that woman. I can’t do it again, Dean. If I just stay here, I can’t hurt anyone.”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you, man? That wasn’t you. That damn spell made you do all those things,” Dean says.

 

“That does not change the fact that I did it. Dean, don’t you see? I destroy everything! I try to help, but I just make everything worse! I couldn’t stop myself from hurting people and I couldn’t stop you from leaving the bunker!” Cas is crying now, huge sobs wracking his body. “Don’t you get it, Dean? _I’m broken_!”

 

Dean feels his heart break in two and he grabs the angel, despite Cas trying to shove him away. Eventually, Cas stops struggling and he just cries into Dean’s shirt, clutching him so tightly it actually kind of hurts. But Dean knows it’s nothing compared to the pain Cas is feeling and he just hugs Cas tighter, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings to him.

 

“You’re not broken,” Dean murmurs, rocking with him slowly. “You’re not, Cas. Shhh, angel, it’s okay.”

 

Cas shakes his head and his voice catches on another sob as he says, “You’re wrong, Dean. There’s s-something wrong with me.”

 

“No, there isn’t. Hey, listen.” Dean draws back and takes Cas’ face in his hands, wiping away his tears. “Listen to me, Castiel. _You are not broken_. You’re beautiful and strong and kind and yeah, you mess up, but you have the best intentions and _that’s_ what matters, okay?”

 

Cas blinks and Dean can feel more warm tears as they come spilling down his cheeks. Dean leans forward and presses a kiss to the angel’s forehead, soothing him when he lets out a quiet sob.

 

“Dean...I’m so sorry. I’ve hurt you so many times. H-How can you forgive me?” he asks.

 

“Dammit, Cas, you got cotton in your ears or something? How many times do I gotta tell you that it wasn’t you that did that? It was the spell,” Dean says. He hugs Cas to his chest again and this time, Cas’ cries are quieter. Dean grabs one of the blankets that's fallen from Cas' shoulders and wraps it around the angel before he returns to rubbing Cas’ back.

 

“B-But what about all the other times? I’ve betrayed you, hurt you, I...I almost killed you on more than one occasion. Why do you even allow me into your home? You should have turned your back on me years ago.”

 

“Hey, don’t talk like that. I’ll never turn my back on you, Cas. I swear it,” Dean promises. “You’re family. You belong here with me. Why would I turn you out of your home?”

 

“Everyone else has,” Cas mumbles. “Nobody wants me, Dean. I’m an abomination to my own kind and I make a poor excuse for a human. I’m not an angel of the Lord anymore. I’m just...nothing.”

 

Dean swallows hard and shakes his head, squeezing Cas tightly again.

 

“No you’re not, Cas. You’re _everything_. You saved the world. You’ve done amazing, impossible things. You’ve saved me and Sam more times than I can count. I’d still be in Hell if it weren’t for you. Sam would probably be dead and this world would be up in flames if you didn’t decide to come down and pull us out of the fire.”

 

Cas sniffles and Dean presses a kiss into his hair, rocking with him again.

 

“Dean...”

 

“You’re not broken, Cas. I promise you, you’re not.”

 

Cas nods and Dean smiles before combing a hand through his unruly hair.

 

“Hey, why don’t we go outside now, okay?” he suggests. Cas manages a small smile and Dean helps him up, keeping an arm around him as they leave the room. Cas pauses when they get to the top of the stairs and he looks around a bit dazedly, like he isn’t sure how they got here. He looks up at Dean with wide eyes.

 

“This is different. The last time I tried to leave I...I saw things. Things that had happened before. I saw myself hurting you...I saw you leaving after I failed to stop you.”

 

Dean winces a bit at that and he opens the door, gently urging Cas through it.

 

“I’m sorry about that, you know. I...I don’t even know where to begin asking for your forgiveness. Not that I deserve it,” Dean says.

 

“You do, Dean. You too were under the influence of another power. You weren’t responsible for your actions,” Cas says. He squints when they step outside and the sun shines brightly onto his face. Dean thinks it makes him look ethereal, and when Cas’ eyes adjust and he opens them more, the blue in them shines like angel grace. His heart leaps in his chest and he clears his throat, distracting himself with leading Cas around to the clearing behind the bunker.

 

“Yeah, well, it was still me. Part of me, at least. I still...I still hurt you,” he mumbles.

 

Cas doesn’t argue this time, only nods. Dean knows without it being said that Cas understands. He understands that even though neither of them were completely in control of themselves, it still doesn’t change what happened.

 

“I forgive you,” Cas murmurs as they both lie down on the grass. Cas rests his head on Dean’s chest and the hunter wraps an arm around the angel.

 

“Same here, Cas,” Dean replies, rubbing his shoulder. Cas hums and closes his eyes, just listening to Dean’s heartbeat for a while.

 

Eventually, Dean shifts and he points up at the sky.

 

“That cloud looks like a rabbit, don’t you think?” he asks.

 

Cas cracks open an eye and squints up at the sky, trying to find the cloud in question. After a while, he shrugs.

 

“I think it looks more like a hare.”

 

“Cas, those are like, the exact same thing,” Dean replies, chuckling quietly.

 

“There are many differences between a rabbit and a hare, Dean. That’s like saying a tortoise and a turtle are the same thing,” Cas chastises. He’s starting to smile again and Dean knows that Cas can hear his heartbeat speeding up.

 

“Well, they are!” Dean claims. Cas rolls his eyes dramatically and Dean lets out a laugh at the sight. It’s adorable beyond compare and it makes his stomach do funny things. It feels like there are butterflies throwing a rave in there. He runs a hand through Cas’ hair and he searches for another cloud that looks vaguely like something. He points again after a while.

 

“That one looks like a dragon.”

 

“Dean, dragons don’t look like that.”

 

“I’m not talking about the ones we hunt, dummy. I’m talking about the ones in fairy tales!”

 

“Oh. I see. Well, I suppose you’re right.”

 

And so they lie outside, breathing in fresh air and bathing in the sunshine, pointing up at the clouds and just enjoying each other's company. Cas is smiling again and even better, he’s laughing. Dean wants to bottle that beautiful sound up and keep it forever. And at some point, they end up kissing, Dean’s hand in Cas’ hair and the angel propping himself up on his elbows. Their lips make a quiet smacking sound when they pull away and Dean feels himself blushing when Cas smiles at him like he’s watching the cutest dog video in the world.

 

“Thank you, Dean.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> That episode was kind of disappointing, but the amount of Cas kind of made up for it. A little bummed we didn't get the talk between Dean and Cas that was supposedly supposed to be in this episode. Word is it got cut out, but hopefully that's just a rumor and we'll get to see it in one of the next few episodes. In the meanwhile, have my own take on it! 
> 
> Seriously though, I just need something like this to happen on the show. Cas has been through so much and one of these days, I need him to have some sort of breakdown, whether it's crying or anger, and have Dean there to hold him and tell him everything will be okay. I just want Cas to be happy, okay?! Is that too much to ask?!


End file.
